mine mine mine

Stealing is, of course, not a good thing to do. In Illinois, the penalty for stealing can range from a year’s imprisonment to seven years, and that’s not including the hefty fines that come along with the crippling prison system. That said, neither the law nor general morality has ever stopped me from being  a thief.

When I was a wee lad, I had the propensity to steal- whether it’s something small like a morsel of food, or actual property, like (). It’s honestly hard to keep track of the things I’ve stolen, because there’s too many to count. I stole an iPod case from my friend’s house when I was around 10, because I needed one, and it looked cool. I stole several books from the shelf in my 3rd grade classroom- simply because I was too lazy to return them. I stole some candy from a small Halloween store, for the childish reason of merely craving chocolate.

In all of these cases, I never received any sort of punishment. No police officer ever found me and arrested me for my shoplifting. My 3rd grade teacher never questioned where his copy of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy went, and apparently the security camera overlooking the vending machine, from which I constantly stole lifesavers from, didn’t catch me in the act. I think that the justice system would take pity on a young child that didn’t know any better, but maybe the experience of getting caught would have dissuaded me from stealing further.

It’s undeniable that if I came face to face with the consequences of my actions, I would have stopped at an earlier age. Maybe if a police officer actually caught me stealing candy, and talked to me or something, I’d have been too scared to continue stealing. I’m not actually sure why I stole as a child- I was totally aware of the laws, and the corresponding moral issues along with stealing. Is it that I was actually evil as a child, or just chose to ignore the rules?

Maybe I never thought about how my actions would have an impact, because I always subconsciously thought of my theft as insignificant. I mean, who’s going to miss a few pieces of Dubble Bubble? The kid that I stole an iPod case from- he might want it back, but it was a flimsy, $2 rubber case anyway. And how important is one roll of Lifesavers to a vending machine?

Yeah, that was my mentality as a kid.

Maybe I was an evil little child, maybe I really didn’t know any better, but another factor could be just that I was trying to be edgy- every child has a rebellious phase. You know how cool it is to shoplift from a store? Not to mention the looks I get when I can steal things from the vending machine. In any case, my childhood was characterized by a tendency to take things that weren’t mine.

Nowadays, I’ve stopped stealing. I think that somewhere along the trail of adolescence, I’ve realized that my stealing did matter, simply because of the principle. Even though the theft was worth less than nothing, it’s the fact that I purposely took someone else’s property that makes it wrong. Do I regret my thieving and criminal childhood? Definitely. It’s totally wrong to take someone else’s property, especially under my circumstances. It’s pretty fortunate that I only stole things of little value- imagine if I escalated my stealing spree to more valuable items like $20 bills or gallons of Nutella.

Regardless of my past, however, I think I’ve distanced myself from my stealing tendencies. My approach to stealing has evolved as I’ve grown and now I don’t find myself taking items as often as I once did. Maybe, in a decade or two, I’ll have progressed to actually giving things away- although I don’t think I’ll ever be able to mature to that level.  

Very Busy Doing Nothing

“Get off the computer and go do something productive!” my mom shouts.

I’ve heard this line countless times. Even though I don’t speak fluent Chinese, it’s not hard to interpret what she means. Instead of playing games on the computer, I should be doing something more “productive”, like studying for my classes. Even though I’m not technically doing “nothing”, my parents don’t see it as such and encourage me to stop being lazy.

When people talk about doing “nothing”, they really mean doing nothing productive. I don’t think it’s actually possible to do “nothing”- even if you’re sitting motionless on the couch, you’re still sort of resting. For today’s society, an activity is a good use of your time when it pertains to work, and not to entertainment. Generally, it’s not productive when someone entertains themselves with “trivial” things like television, but apparently it’s fine if you’re handed monotonous math problems you’ll likely never use in the future, because hey, it’s work; it’s something “productive”.

Even when I don’t have anything to do, when I’ve completed my schoolwork and fulfilled my physical exercise quota for the week, my parents are still dissatisfied. “How are you going to advance in life if you don’t pursue a passion?” my father asks, assuming that his question would immediately convert me into a hardworking, studious millionaire. I nod my head, grunting affirmatively in the hopes that he’ll leave me alone. Don’t get me wrong- I’d absolutely love to have an amazing work ethic and to continuously drive myself to succeed; it just isn’t possible without relaxing. In many cases, I relax by doing the aforementioned “nothing”- engaging in unproductive activities to rest my mind.

Doing “nothing”, then, is sometimes the best thing to do. Of course, it has to be in moderation. If you have important assignments due the next day, doing nothing - or procrastinating- is often the wrong thing to do. However, when you’re burning the midnight oil, taking a break is one of the most productive things to do. After a while, your productivity declines as you get exhausted from the repetitive grind of “work, work, work”; allowing yourself to unwind can help you be more productive later on. You could work a 9-5 job every weekday, constantly giving your best effort, and then come home and blankly stare at a wall for a few hours, if it helps you relax. It’s not exactly productive, but it’s a still a good use of your time.

Everyone has their own idea of what “doing nothing” means to them. Depending on the activity, one person could be ridiculed for their relaxation routine, while another could fit right in with society. I don’t think anyone but themselves can judge whether “doing nothing” is a good use of time; “nothing” could be different for every person. Everyone deserves the luxury of “doing nothing”; I should be allowed to play games as a respite. Although I’m flattered my parents care enough to pay attention to what I’m doing, I’d prefer if they didn’t excessively judge my activities. Even so, I guess it’s better than my parents doing nothing.

Having A Plentiful Pile of Yuan

Money makes me happy. There’s no doubt about it. Whether I’m buying something to eat, purchasing a nice pair of shoes, or even going on a getaway to the exotic land of China, I’m always using money to fulfill my desires, which in turn makes me happy. I can definitely say that if I had a lot of money, I’d consequently have a lot of happiness.

Of course, it all depends on the person, and what makes them happy. One person’s ideal life might be living on an island alone, which wouldn’t require any sort of money. On the other hand, another person might want to live alone in a New York penthouse suite- that would require  money. Different people might have different demands, and the possibility that money can meet those demands varies among person to person. Maybe money doesn’t have a linear correlation with happiness; it depends on who you’re asking.

I remember as a child, I didn’t have quite this understanding. I used to ask for indulgences almost every day, from candy bars to expensive toys, and whenever my parents refused (all the time, thankfully), I’d ask them why. Every time, their reason involved money, like how it would be a waste to buy the candy, or that the toy was too expensive. Because of this, I’d always dream about having infinite money, and therefore all the candy and toys I could ever want. I’d always dream about living in a beautiful island home surrounded by exotic flora and fauna. I’d always dream about being happy because of all the money I had.

I mean, my dreams still hold true now, it’s just that I don’t think the answer to the question of “Can money buy happiness” is as simple as 7-year-old me imagined. Money is a societal construct, so if one weren’t part of a society that uses money, I doubt the answer to the question would be “yes”. For all productive (and unproductive) members of society, however, I think that more money is definitely associated with more happiness, especially among people that struggle to make ends meet, because they’d be able to afford whatever they needed. I’ve never experienced the struggle of having an income I could barely survive off of, so I wouldn’t pretend to know the happiness of having abundant wealth compared to barely any, but I’d imagine that people in general would be happier with more money. At a certain point, I think happiness can plateau a little, because you’d have more money than you could spend and the line kind of blurs between having 10 million and 11 million, but overall, it’s accurate that people become happier if they have more money.

Of course, it’s not guaranteed that one would be able to find their happiness, so I think the best answer to this question would be that money gives you more opportunities to become happy, and therefore money can theoretically “buy” happiness, but it’s up to the individual to decide what’s best for them.

Like a Good Neighbor

My ideal celebrity neighbor would probably be someone like Jackie Chan. Someone who’s innately nice, does a lot of cool stuff, and helps out everyone he can. If Jackie Chan, for some reason, left his luxurious life making martial arts movies in Hollywood and came to live in quiet suburban Illinois, it would be a pleasant surprise. He’d probably be my first choice for an ideal neighbor.

First of all, what do I define as my ideal neighbor? I think I’d like someone that’s somewhat quiet, but can still socialize with me. I don’t talk to any of my neighbors, because my family and I are pretty introverted. There’s this one Armenian family, but I’ve never seen them come out of their house, and I haven’t talked to the Indian family next door in 5 years. I think talking with him would be super fun, especially learning about his life and the details of what he does. I’ve never actually met him, but I’ve seen a lot of his movies and know that he’s a really interesting person. He’ll recount his experiences while acting in Rush Hour while I’m watering the garden, or he’ll warble as I play with my dog in my backyard. Maybe I could even learn a few martial arts moves- imagine that! Private kung fu tutoring from Jackie Chan himself!

And that’s not even the best part! This may be pure fantasy, but what if Jackie Chan was such a chill dude that we watched his entire film career together with my family, and he gave exclusive director’s comments and personal stories? I’d appreciate his movies in an entirely new way as he’d narrate the films with his behind-the-scenes action. We’d set flicks and chill for weeks on end, and our laughter would never cease as Jackie Chan would recount his experiences with Chris Tucker, while grabbing popcorn out of the air with chopsticks.

However, it wouldn’t be perfect; Jackie Chan would probably be gone for most of the time anyway, since he’s super busy doing interesting things like acting in movies or doing cool martial arts sequences. There might also be a couple paparazzi that would come to flood his home, but I think he’d keep his address a secret. I guess the only downside would be the lack of neighborly presence, although it wouldn’t be much different from my neighbor dynamics right now.

And even if he moved next to me, he’d probably have the entirety of Champaign County to entertain, and that’s not counting the million ears of corn. There’d be Jackie Chan fanatics hitting up his house everyday and countless others bombarding him on the street, asking for autographs. Why would he choose me to befriend? I think that Jackie Chan would eventually get tired of the noise and probably go rent a private island somewhere to relax. It’d be disappointing to have him so close and yet so far, but I guess the fact that Jackie Chan lived right next to be would be thrilling.

Disregarding all of those possibilities, there’s still that one question: why would we be good friends? I’d have nothing to offer to Jackie Chan- no amazing talents, riveting stories, or any cinematography to my name- why would he care about someone like me? The only thing he’d pay attention to is my dog, and after the initial endearment and the first few days of barking, he’d probably end up wanting to kill it. It’s actually kind of a bummer to dream about having a celebrity as your neighbor and then realizing how catastrophic it would eventually turn out.

I’d love for Jackie Chan to be my neighbor, but I’m not sure it’d work out well. Ideally, theoretically, hopefully -- I’d have a blast hanging out with Jackie Chan. But, even if all the stars aligned, would he have a blast hanging out with me?

 

Get Away from the Chopper

I remember a time when my parents would incessantly nag, like usual, and then I was forced to reveal the fact that I got a B in math class. The resulting tempest of yelling was something I’ll remember forever. They were super angry and disappointed, and afterwards, I was bawling, I was wailing, and I absolutely hated my parents’ guts. At the time, I really despised how pushy my parents were and how angry they got, but now I realize that this method of parenting isn’t as terrible as I viewed it.

I mean, it’s frustrating to have to report your every activity to your parents like a criminal in jail reports to his warden, but the metaphor only goes so far. I see that through the hailstorm of questions lies their thickly veiled care. I hear that when they yell at me, they’re disappointed but still affectionate, and I know that they, deep down, do love me.

Could my parents be more effective in their practices? Probably. Toning it down might go a long way in terms of a healthier relationship between me and them. But no one can be perfect, and if I consider the other possibilities, like having parents who don’t care at all, then helicopter parenting seems feasible enough.

I guess the question of whether or not it’s reasonable for parents to helicopter depends on their kids. I know that without my parents badgering me, I would have no motivation to work hard or push myself. I wouldn’t be pressured to make my parents proud, and I wouldn’t strive to achieve that perfect score on the ACT or get into that Ivy League college. Other kids, however, might suffer a lot from their parents’ pressure, and might instead want some space to freely express themselves.

For me, there are times when my helicopter parents irritate me, almost to the point of breaking, but there’s also times when I recognize why my parents want to keep an eye on me constantly. I guess I’m pretty thankful for my parents, because after all, helicopters deteriorate eventually, and why wouldn’t you want to make use of one while you still can?

Going Back in Time

What would it mean to be able to return to a moment in your past? Do you have the ability to travel through time capriciously and to return whenever you feel like it, or are you limited to a certain amount of voyages? Are you even allowed to come back to the present time, or do you have to live through your past again? Furthermore, what happens when you do something different and you change the past? I don’t think I’d be able to address every single interpretation of time travel, but my choices would probably differ depending on the rules of the time travel.

If I could return to the past- I’d definitely change things. Maybe a bunch of small moments, like a few times when I acted embarrassingly in public, or even just a different line of conversation. I remember a time when a kid insulted me in elementary school - he really got me good - and a few hours later, while standing in the shower, I came up with a really, really good comeback. I don’t remember the conversation or any of the insults, but I certainly do remember how much I wished I could go back to that one moment and absolutely destroy this kid’s face. Sure, it’s not incredibly significant in the big scheme of things, but it was still important to 8-year old me that I demolish a random child with my words.

But then you’re faced with the possibility that, maybe, this power of time travel could be used in a better, less selfish way. Depending on how this power worked, you could potentially travel to anytime in your life. This begs the question, do I keep the knowledge I’ve gained when I go back? I was born about 4 months before 9/11, but even if I was an infant, I could, possibly, still find a way to prevent it. It’d definitely be amazing to go back and be able to influence past events, but what about the impact of my actions? What would happen when I returned to the present time?

If you don’t consider the possibility of preventing terrorist attacks, even changing a personal event could end up being catastrophic. There’s a possibility that ruining a kid’s life with a perfectly-planned comeback would set me up for a life of disaster. Maybe the kid was traumatized and lost all respect for mankind, leading to another terrorist. There’s an infinite list of bad possibilities that might result from a small change in my past, and at this point, I ask: Is it really worth it?

Maybe, just maybe, this returning to the past ability is only limited to things like reliving a moment in your past again or experiencing a certain event another time. Maybe you can only do it once, and then you have to immediately return to the present without changing anything. My personal problem is that if I could return to my past, I wouldn’t have anything significant to return to. There isn’t a single moment I remember that stands out as heavenly bliss or existential revelation. I can’t even think of a particular memory I would go back and relive. What would I gain from having the ability to return to my past?

Even if time travel was vague and loosely defined in this scenario, I think that, despite the possible good outcomes, I would not choose to use this ability. I don’t have any moments I would return to, happy or life-changing. Maybe I could change myself to be a better person by changing my past. Maybe I could even save a few lives while at it, but the amount of possibilities is infinite, and there’s no way of knowing what would happen. The one thing I do know, however, is that I’m okay with who I am, and there’s no need to revisit the past.

Blunder Years

Oftentimes, when I lay on my bed, thinking about life, I reflect on my memories. Sometimes, I can peacefully reminisce on how I wanted to be an astronaut. Other times, I’m able to sift through my memories and feel nostalgic about my childhood. Then, there’s those times when I ride my train of thought in the wrong direction and end up going through my blunder years. Embarrassing, cringe parts of my childhood that make me shrivel up inside from sheer humiliation. I’ve had a lot of embarrassing moments in my past, and my only solace is the fact that everyone has them too.

One of the earliest things I remember I liked was winning. Every child’s competitive, whether they’re competing in simple tag, or trying to finish something quickly. I don’t think there’s a single person in the world who wouldn’t appreciate winning. I, however, placed way too much importance on winning, and being the first to do something. It’s not my enjoyment of winning that I find embarrassing; it’s the fact that I care way too much about it. For example, when my brother and I would play various games, I’d play very calmly, but once I lost, I flew into a rampage, often knocking boards over and eventually chasing my brother into his room, where he locked himself to avoid my crying, seething self. I think my family even catered to me, often letting me win things so that they wouldn’t have to deal with me, but of course I didn’t know that; I was more concerned with the pleasure of winning.

This also manifested in school. I’d always be the one trying to finish first, or to raise my hand first to answer a question. I guess that behavior isn’t terrible, but I’d often make a big show out of it, like swaggering up to the teacher and handing them my work, or simply telling people that I, yes, I finished first. I can only imagine what my classmates thought when they saw me handing my work in ostentatiously - “Do you think you’re cool”?

I guess I liked broadcasting my achievements to everybody because it made me feel better about myself. Maybe I worried too much about my insecurities. I mean, what fourth grader would watch childish cartoons meant for toddlers? Not a winner, of course.

At least that’s what I thought.

As I grew up (not really), I never really seemed to outgrow my attitude. The worst part is that my tendency to like embarrassing things caught on as well. I watched Kung Fu Panda so many times as a child I memorized the entire script. I used to have hair short as a monk (“hey, being bald seems fun”), and hair puffier than a mushroom (”this makes me look like a fun-guy”). Probably one of the most embarrassing things I’ve done was in sixth grade, when I called myself fat.

It wasn’t self-deprecating or anything. It was a joke that implied I was fat, and I wasn’t even super skinny, so the joke wasn’t sarcastic. I just called myself fat. My friends would play along too, making jokes like: “How many Twinkies did you eat today?” It was the most bizarre thing, and I have no clue why I kept up this fat character for most of the sixth grade. It wasn’t very embarrassing then, with my friends joking about it, but now as I reflect on sixth grade, I can’t imagine how ridiculous I must’ve looked.

It’s interesting how I basically never learned from my past experiences. It seems that my main reason for most of the things I liked to do was attention. I wanted to win and brag, probably because I wanted attention. I called myself fat, likely for attention. I’ll probably never completely understand my childhood self, and even in 20 years, I might look back to present day and wonder: “Where did I go wrong?”